The Lone Ranger doesn’t even meet my low expectations. It’s just bad.

TheLoneRanger2013Poster.jpg

It is sad.  I was not expecting much from The Lone Ranger–a Pirates’ film in the west, maybe?  The trailer was bloated–but looked like silly fun.  Nope.  Actually, it was not a bit fun.  Awkward.  Strange.  Convoluted.  Long.  Unfunny.  Those are the first adjectives I would use to describe this film.

There were plenty of WTH? moments.  What?  How?  WHY?!  The prison escape?  The cannibalism?  Silver on the roof?  The bunnies? What the hell is up with those bunnies?  o_O    Yeah.  This whole thing was random and felt like snippets of about 5 different movies–it was very much like watching someone with a multiple personality disorder.  We are going to be a western.  NO.  Campy fun.  NO.  Mystical.  NO.  Funny.  NO.  And boy, was it NOT funny.  When I did laugh it was not with them…

Gore Verbinski is a seasoned director with a fine sense of style and a great eye for action.  Unlike many, I enjoyed all three Pirate movies (the first one is the best, of course) and I LOVED Rango–but, I can not make any excuses for Gore this time around.  Nope.  This is sloppy work.  No character development.  No tension.  No surprises.  Even the action sequences were bland.  I heard the last 30 minutes made the film watchable and I was waiting…and waiting…It never happened for me.  The ending may be better than the rest of the film–but it does not save it.

Now, I must say that I love Johnny Depp.  I respect him as an actor and will see any film he stars in–I have been faithful since he first appeared on my TV set (21 Jump Street).  Yet, lately I have gotten worried.  With Tonto he is not awful–but he is not inspired.   It feels stale and forced.  And sorry, the chemistry between him and Armie Hammer is flat.  I actually feel bad for Hammer.  What a thankless role–he is set up as a “half-wit” and a clown–the butt of all the jokes–well, with that kind of vibe it was hard to see him as the hero.  Even as an origin story it does not work–we see too little of his lone ranger as heroic to care by the end.

The supporting cast would be great (William FichtnerTom WilkinsonRuth WilsonJames Badge DaleBarry PepperHelena Bonham Carte)–if they had anything to work with.  Everyone on this cast was wasted and were barely on screen for 10 minutes each.  The script is credited to six writers–wow–that’s how many it took to come up with so many bad ideas.  I am trying to think of a positive thing to say to balance this review and I can not.  It’s the worst film I have seen this year.  Easily.

So, all I can say is…Go at your own risk!  😀

 

Thanks Keith and The Movies for the Liebster Award 2012!

Thanks to Keith & The Movies for giving me a shout out!  So cool. I always enjoy visiting his site and find his 5 Phenomenal… series so much fun–they’re always creative and original.  I appreciate that he liked me enough to pass The Liebster Award to me.  Hope I can do it justice.  Here are the rules this time around:

  1. Each person must post 11 things about themselves.
  2. Answer the 11 questions the person giving the award has set for you.
  3. Create 11 questions for the people you will be giving the award to
  4. Choose 11 people to award and send them a link to your post.
  5. Go to their page and tell them
  6. No tag backs.

So, 11 things about me–Oh my!  Here we go…

1.  I am a film geek.  Duh!  Films make me happy.  If I am stressed, sad or sick, watching a movie makes me feel better.  Actually, anytime movie-watching makes me feel better.  I also listen to film scores (soundtracks) all the time–love them!

2.  I have an ongoing love affair with Kermit the Frog (he’s my iphone cover) and all things Muppets.

3.  Gary Oldman is my ultimate crush.  He is amazing! **deep, dreamy sigh**

4.  My lovely daughter turns 21 in September.  Time is on warp speed and I am old.

5.  Cats are awesome!  I like all critters, but cats are my favorite.  I have 3 at the moment and I will probably end up as a crazy cat lady someday. 😀

6.  I love nature and the ocean.  My full name, Nereida, is greek for sea nymphs and I believe it must be telling because the ocean is my affinity.

7.  I did not believe in fairy tale love, until I was proven wrong six years ago.  Now, I am in my own happily ever after. It does exist–who knew?

8.  I am a Law Enforcement Operator for Texas Parks and Wildlife. Never a dull moment…

9.  I am foodie. I LOVE-LOVE-LOVE food.  Dinner and a movie? Yes, please.  It is truly my favorite way to spend an evening.

10.  I have a fascination with vampires, but REAL vampires, that burn, disintegrate or explode in sunlight! (fyi..vampires DO NOT sparkle.) -_-

11.   BORIQUA!  I am Puerto Rican.  (Represent!)

And now, Keith’s questions….

1. What’s your biggest movie guilty pleasure (a movie you love so much even though you know it’s bad)?   Starship Troopers?  Reign of Fire?  Strange Days?  Oh, wait…those are AWESOME! 😀

2. What actor or actress do you vehemently dislike and why? Katherine Heigl–do I need to explain??

3. What are your thoughts on the current 3-D craze?  I do not mind if it enhances the films presentation.  Sometimes it works–UP! and Avatar–and sometimes it doesn’t–Immortals–but most of the time I will watch movies in 2-D because I do not need the extra dimension. 🙂

4. What do you think was the best decade for movies and why?  I will have to say the 1980s with the 1990s a close second.  I am a child of the 80s and the movies of that decade created the film geek I am.  Blade Runner.  Predator.  Star Wars.  E.T.  Indiana Jones.  The Thing.  Ghostbusters.  Yeah, I can on and on.  It was a decade of original, creative filmmaking that is still being copied to this day.  Yet, the 90s had stellar films as well–but based on influence I will stick with the 1980s.

5.  What the scariest movie you have ever seen?  I do not scare easily–but the Sixth Sense stayed with me.  I would get chilly and then freak myself out, when I was alone.   I think because we all feel that sometimes, the film tapped into the fear. 

6.  Have you ever walked out on a bad movie at the theater? Which one and why?  I have to finish it.  If I paid money I will stick it out.  Plus, if it sucks…I want to say I saw ALL of it and can testify to it’s suckiness.  But, I seriously considered walking out of The Ugly Truth and When in Rome. Why? I have trouble with stupidity.

7. What are your aspirations for your movie blog?   I hope that people will seek out my opinion and that it will help them to make decisions about what they should watch or read.  Storytelling is my passion and it is awesome to write about it.  Honestly, I started my blog as an outlet and the sole purpose was to have fun with it.  So far, it has been a blast.  The fact that it has grown a little is a bonus.  

8. Siskel or Ebert? Why?  Ebert.  Siskel was always a bit too technical.  Ebert judges most films according to their genre–Siskel tended to be harsher on films in genres he did not like.  Not fair. 

9. Who is the most beautiful woman or most handsome man in movies? (Heavy stuff here!)   I think Mila Kunis is gorgeous!  And as far as male beauty–no one can be as pretty as Johnny Depp.  

10. Do you have any weird movie novelties or collectibles? If so, what are they?  Nope.  We collect film posters and I have a few muppets hanging around my house but, nothing weird.   

11.  Name three other movie blogs that you love to keep up with.  I have a few that I enjoy, but I can only pick 3? Okay.  3guys1movie–Fog’s Movie Reviews–and Keith & The Movies 

Now for my questions…

1.  What movie have you watched over and over?

2.  Who is your ultimate actor/actress crush?

3.  Which film trilogy do you consider to be perfect?

4.  What novel would you love to see made into a film?

5.  What actor/actress do you consider to be overrated?

6.  What famous/classic film have you never seen?

7.  Seinfeld or Friends?  Trust me, it says much about you. 🙂 (I am Seinfeld all the way…)

8.  Name your favorite Super Hero and what super power would you want to have?

9.  Name your favorite muppet.  You have to have one–right?

10.  Vampires?  Yes or No.  If yes, what is your favorite film?

11.  If made into a movie…your life would fit under what genre?  Comedy? Action? Indie? etc…

Well, I think almost all the blogs I know have been given the Liebster Award and I am a bit behind responding–so if you check this out and want to take part–go right on ahead!  I recommend any blog that is following me!  You’re all pretty cool! 😀

Dark Shadows leaves me disappointed–mostly…

I am 1/2 disappointed.  Is that possible?  I have never seen the 1966–1971 gothic horror soap opera of thesame name, so I had no expectations except for the hope that Burton and Depp were bringing back the old magic (I was keeping my fingers crossed).  Well, Tim Burton‘s Dark Shadows has good and bad things, but the magic has NOT fully returned.

Let’s begin with the good.  I enjoyed Johnny Depp‘s performance and that was nice because lately he has disappointed me.  As Barnabas Collins he brings angst, brooding and subtle humor to his fish out of water vampire–even with the ridiculous make up on (sorry–I am starting to worry about the Kabuki-like makeup fetish).  The sets were beautiful–Gothic and grand (and it was not so much of a comedy as the trailers indicated).  The effects are well done and the cast is perfect–especially Eva Green as the witch Angelique, who is the right mix of evil and sadly obsessed.  And I appreciated the premise, but this leads to the bad…

The narrative is all over the place.  This is the classic example of trying to say too much and ending up not saying anything.  There was no focus.  What story were they trying to tell?  I am not sure.  I think it was supposed to be about love lost and yet they did not spend enough time on that angle for me to care.  I also think they should have spent more time in the past if they wanted any of the key elements to resonate in the future.

Sigh.  Oh well.  I guess I should be happy that some of the magic was present, but I can not say I enjoyed it as much as I could have.  If only Burton had engrossed me with his brilliant storytelling, but instead this scattered story was too broad and as a result, it ended leaving me unsatisfied.

 

Can I dare hope that Tim Burton has found his lost mojo?

Okay. I love Tim Burton, but Alice in Wonderland disappointed me greatly (especially when I was almost giddy with excitement beforehand) and if I were being honest he has been hit and miss of late.  So, when Dark Shadows was announced I was NOT giddy, I was worried and planned to skip it, because it seems like both Johnny Depp and Burton were starting to lose my interest. 

Then I saw this trailer and I am almost afraid to hope.  Can this be the return of the Burton I once loved?  Can the magic of Depp and Burton be conjured up again? 

I want to believe…really, I do…

Related articles

Rango=Awesome!

 


Theatrical release poster
 

How refreshing!  In a world full of McDonald tie ins and cookie-cut 3D kids movies we have an animated movie that looks like nothing else out there–and in good ol’ 2D–Rango is unique, funny and unforgettable. 

I have looked forward to this film since the teaser trailer–so, I am very happy it did not disappoint.  The setting, characters and story are all original and distinct. 

First and foremost, it is a western.  A western set in a parched wasteland–that is a character in itself.  Then there’s the tough townsfolk–interesting critters all perfectly voiced.  Johnny Depp leads the pack but does not still the spotlight–this a true assemble and it works.   (Shout out to Bill Nighy! Best. Snake. Ever.)After a little while you forget about the “stars” and just enjoy the ride. 

Another unique spin is how Gore Verbinski directed it–pretty awesome! Check out this featurette–

I do not want to give too much away–I went in not knowing much about the plot and it was cool to discover all the nuances and you should too!

Oh, and one more thing…this is not necessarily a kids movie, but the audience was full of them and they seem to be enjoying it, right along with the adults–it was fun for everyone!