The Lone Ranger doesn’t even meet my low expectations. It’s just bad.

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It is sad.  I was not expecting much from The Lone Ranger–a Pirates’ film in the west, maybe?  The trailer was bloated–but looked like silly fun.  Nope.  Actually, it was not a bit fun.  Awkward.  Strange.  Convoluted.  Long.  Unfunny.  Those are the first adjectives I would use to describe this film.

There were plenty of WTH? moments.  What?  How?  WHY?!  The prison escape?  The cannibalism?  Silver on the roof?  The bunnies? What the hell is up with those bunnies?  o_O    Yeah.  This whole thing was random and felt like snippets of about 5 different movies–it was very much like watching someone with a multiple personality disorder.  We are going to be a western.  NO.  Campy fun.  NO.  Mystical.  NO.  Funny.  NO.  And boy, was it NOT funny.  When I did laugh it was not with them…

Gore Verbinski is a seasoned director with a fine sense of style and a great eye for action.  Unlike many, I enjoyed all three Pirate movies (the first one is the best, of course) and I LOVED Rango–but, I can not make any excuses for Gore this time around.  Nope.  This is sloppy work.  No character development.  No tension.  No surprises.  Even the action sequences were bland.  I heard the last 30 minutes made the film watchable and I was waiting…and waiting…It never happened for me.  The ending may be better than the rest of the film–but it does not save it.

Now, I must say that I love Johnny Depp.  I respect him as an actor and will see any film he stars in–I have been faithful since he first appeared on my TV set (21 Jump Street).  Yet, lately I have gotten worried.  With Tonto he is not awful–but he is not inspired.   It feels stale and forced.  And sorry, the chemistry between him and Armie Hammer is flat.  I actually feel bad for Hammer.  What a thankless role–he is set up as a “half-wit” and a clown–the butt of all the jokes–well, with that kind of vibe it was hard to see him as the hero.  Even as an origin story it does not work–we see too little of his lone ranger as heroic to care by the end.

The supporting cast would be great (William FichtnerTom WilkinsonRuth WilsonJames Badge DaleBarry PepperHelena Bonham Carte)–if they had anything to work with.  Everyone on this cast was wasted and were barely on screen for 10 minutes each.  The script is credited to six writers–wow–that’s how many it took to come up with so many bad ideas.  I am trying to think of a positive thing to say to balance this review and I can not.  It’s the worst film I have seen this year.  Easily.

So, all I can say is…Go at your own risk!  😀